Includes "4.ix.'51 Camped outside Paris: mud, dripping water, mosquitos; & the rain. Money short as usual...The past is tight; but within broad limits the future is tight also. I meet my future through my attitudes which have a certain resilience even in the face of catastophe...I did not decide to leave the city of G. I was DECIDED....15.ix.'51. Saw Paris for the last time for how long?...Sometimes, wandering about the city during the summer, I would catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window; a longhaired ill-clad creature, unshaven, an anonymous member of the army of foreign shufflers who walk Paris streets. I could detect it too in the faces of the tourists....Leaving Glasgow, it was as tho' I had never been there at all; those that did [or] do remember me remember me [only] as a fool who wanted to write & who has since disappeared leaving no trace. Leaving Paris it is different. I want to leave but I have been there & I am remembered by a few, not as a freak, but as a serious writer....13 October 1951...away from Paris I think one can see more in perspective precisely what it means. It means a spiritual `feather-bed', a community of apparently-striving men, so that you're not alone....I'm not interested in the `atmospherics' of being a writer: I'm interested in writing; & here, stuck on a piece of wasteground with the sea on 3 sides I can't kid myself. Write, you bastard, write!" Includes note stating "Diary Abandoned", 1951 September 14-October 13, Box: 19, Folder: 5. Alexander Trocchi Papers, MS-MS-ms116. Manuscripts. https://aspace.wustl.edu/repositories/6/archival_objects/290540 Accessed May 17, 2024.

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